So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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