Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize