Sry I called you an 8
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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