Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
