Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize