is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
