On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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