You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
