I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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