headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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