Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hippo gnu deer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
