UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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