Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
