I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
