Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
