I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
