Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He shit in the fireplace
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
