anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
