Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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