The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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