I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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