It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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