Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
