As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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