Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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