My first STD was from a foam party
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
