you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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