If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
