if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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