its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
