Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
