i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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