She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
