well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
