i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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