Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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