we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
