Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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