Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
