i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
