I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
