You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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