Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
