I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
