You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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