I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
