so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
