you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
