mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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