The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
