He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
