Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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