The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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