I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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