We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
