I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
