So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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