Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am one with the molecules
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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