don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
