Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
