i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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