Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
