You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
