East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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