Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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